For Kristie Lynn, mom of shibu inus

: scott bigley You and Kristie decided that me being suicidal is manipulation. But you can’t do that. You can’t just abuse me and steal everything I have and rape me hundreds of times and watch it manifest into despair and suicidal ideation and then have a new woman decide for me that I’m manipulating you by not knowing how to deal with loving you so completely and having my life stolen from me—my education and my writing, my art, all my exuberance and drive, and my desire to build a future and a life for us both as well as me—well, no matter how I left you, it was going to leave a huge hole in my life. My heart. And then you wanted me to believe that you had a ton of love and money for me and the kids, but then I kept having to make promises and the love and money never came. So if I killed myself, I thought, then it being a sham wouldn’t bother me. And then the kids could have everything you promised them because I wouldn’t be in the way with the doubt and fear, and the protective Mommy thing. And your family couldn’t get to me anymore. Telling me you’re just a liar who abandons his children and that it’s nothing more than you trying to control me and the kids. It was me trying to figure out whether maybe the kids could have a better future without me in the way of whatever you promised. Because you were saying I was the barrier to them getting a house, money, a college education. You blaming me and threatening me alongside Kristie for something that wasn’t even true. It’s not manipulative on my part. It’s a completely different thing. A feeling of total loss, and it’s YOUR manipulation causing such despair. Had I really killed myself because of you and her, imagine—wow. You two are both fairly evil. You didn’t care how close you pushed me to suicide. Either of you. You both thought it was a game, and it really wasn’t. Isn’t. I know you know. You knew. Just a month or two before I got pregnant with Zeb you told me you’d be there through everything. Even if you had to raise our children alone. You said you’d never tell them bad things about me. But I wasn’t even suicidal from 2005 all the way until after you strangled me on Ballard. It wasn’t until you had Dave come to Ypsilanti and stopped being with me so you could be with Dave all the time. Just always angry with me and watching me, trying to make me give you everything I had WITH DAVE. Two felons watching. And Dave was the one who tried to get you to calm down but you wouldn’t. And I wasn’t sure how the hell to handle you bringing someone in to try to control me and make me give you everything when Dave saw that I was happy to…if you’d just have relaxed and been a real person. One who meant to really strive for the best and actually focus on allowing me to have a career to pay for all the things we needed in life. He tried to get you to see that I was really there for you if you were REAL. I didn’t know how to make myself feel less love for you even though I knew I had to leave you to save myself. My future. And so I was suicidal. That was in March or April. And then I got pregnant in that hotel room. While you were beating me and strangling me and slamming me against the wall and the bed because I was all, “You’re not my problem anymore. Why wouldn’t Jamie and your mom just take you!? I’m supposed to be FREE OF YOU now!” I don’t think you and Kristie ever had the right to try to paint me as manipulative for feeling suicidal. She asked to access my private Instagram account and photos of my newborn. I wasn’t sharing them on Facebook. Or anywhere else. Except with like three people on Instagram. It was like a fucking rape, an emotional rape, a fucking BRUTAL rape of my heart and my baby, my family, to sneak in to my private Instagram…she had no idea I knew what she looked like. She thought she would have long-term access to my private photos so you two could rag on me and make fun of me, and say I was just a cheating bitch who had a baby with another man, maybe even two babies. It’s wrong of you two to do all that. Kristie knows what she did was close to evil. You don’t care. All you care about is trying to look good. You want to have sex and unlimited weed. I don’t think you’ll ever change. You’re missing key components of what makes a person human.